"No Joy in Mutt-ville?"

lyrics by Jordan Brown

(Background: This lyric was written in 2000, when I was a member of BMI's Lehman Engel Musical Theater Workshop in New York City. It was part of an original show in which the lead characters were mixed breed dogs, named Clyde and Jake. In the scene that precedes this song, Jake and Clyde are in a shelter, and Clyde notices that many of the purebred dogs are quickly getting adopted. Clyde worries that he'll never find a home. Jake says, "Don't roll and play dead. It ain't over yet" then sings...)

Who cares if you'll never be "best in show"?
So what if your gene pool seems a little murky!
If you're gonna act like a chicken,
It's time that we talk turkey...

Those Golden Retrievers…such overachievers!
Chihuahuas yap all day like little snots.
You'll find nothing viler
Than a rotten Rottweiler
And Dalmatians are a waste of spots!

Be glad you're a mutt!
A mix of who knows "whut"
Don't let 'em pee on your family tree.
You're more exotic,
And less neurotic
Than those bluebloods in the A.K.C.

Those crazy cockers…clearly off their rockers.
And Bassett Hounds act "howlier than thou"
Miniature Schnauzers are rabble-rousers
Would you want a black tongue like a Chow?

Be glad you're a mutt
Ignore the scuttlebutt
You're lucky that your breeding isn't pure.
Dachshunds and Malteses
Inherit strange diseases
That even a vet can't cure.

I know it's natural to fret:
"I'll never be a pet!
I'm a reject; I'll never make the cut!"
Then suddenly it hits you
Who really gives a Shih Tzu!
You're a bona fide
Not a "clone-ified"
You're a genuine, marvelous mutt!